| The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. |
[12 May 2005|01:43am] |
|
I haven't read the book, so I didn't read more into the movie than was actually there. Honestly, it was a mixed bag overall. The pacing was bad, it had virtually no plot, and a lot of things weren't explained very well. While some of it was pretty funny and cute, a lot of the jokes simply fell flat, were inside jokes for Douglas Adams fans, or were just not my type of humor. I probably only laughed a handful of times during the movie. The "thanks for all the fish" routine with the dolphins at the beginning was definitely classic. I also liked the sensitivity/empathy gun, and the characters turning into string people after one of the improbability drive jumps. Still, the President was a very irritating character, despite strained attempts to make him funny. I got it the first time that he's an idiot and that people elect attractive/popular morons to office, but the movie was intent on beating a dead horse. I think the film also had kind of an identity crisis due to the source material. It couldn't quite decide whether it wanted to be a comedy or a big budget sci fi movie. While it had good humor and top notch special effects, the whole thing just didn't mesh well and form a very cohesive whole. I'm sure everything probably worked better in the book. It wasn't a terrible movie, just a flawed one. It wasn't as though I didn't "get" it. I think it got its existentialist message about the absurdity of life across pretty well. I was frankly just very bored for a good portion of it. I'd give it a 6/10. I don't think it's worth seeing in the theater, but it's probably worthy of a rental.
|
|
|
[02 May 2005|09:27am] |
I just woke up from one of the strangest dreams I've had, at least that I can remember. I walked into a toilet-themed water park. The water was the color of piss and kids were swimming in it. The log flume was a piece of corny poo coming out of canyons of ass cheeks. The suspenseful buildup to the drop from the flume was a ride through the intestines. Kids were eating what I think was chocolate that looked like poo on a stick. It was the most ill concieved amusement park ever. I woke up with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face, and I think I was laughing in my sleep.
It must have some Freudian connotation that probably points to me being a twisted pervert, so frankly I don't want to know what it means.
|
|
|
[11 Mar 2005|01:47pm] |
Comcast "high speed" internet is a laughably bad excuse for broadband. If you live in a crowded apartment complex like I do, save yourself the hassle and just get DSL. Comcast's latency is horrible, to the point where it's all but useless for online gaming. If you subscribe to Xbox Live or play Counter-strike regularly, just forget it. At normal hours of the day you'll be lucky if you get pings below 150-200ms and don't experience horrible lag spikes. At night, my pings will climb to 300+ ms, which is completely unplayable. Comcast slows to near dial-up speeds (300k/300k or less) every night between about 6-10pm (peak hours). Even at odd times of day, I'm only getting a tiny fraction of the advertised 6M/768k bandwidth, maybe around 2M/500k at best.
This area's node, like most Comcast nodes in the country, is oversubscribed several times over, which is a really bad thing when everyone is sharing bandwidth as they are on a cable connection. The problem stems from the fact that they offer really cheap promotional rates, so they get assloads of people signing up that they really have no way to support. Further compounding the oversubscription problem, Comcast did a bandwidth "upgrade" which involved increasing the bandwidth caps on peoples' modems without actually improving their infrastructure to provide more bandwidth. In actuality, this has made the service slower. A few people eat up all of the bandwidth while others are left with nothing. It was done purely as a marketing gimmick so they could claim their service is faster in order to get people who don't know anything to sign up. Most people probably don't do anything but occassionally surf, and a lot of the new people signing up for Comcast may have never used anything other than 56k, in which case it will seem comparatively faster despite the fact that it blows by broadband standards. They'll probably never know that they're being cheated.
I also found out by doing some reading online that Comcast has an invisible limit on downloads. They'll shut off your connection or give you threatening phone calls if you download too much. The catcher is that they won't tell you how much you've downloaded or what their limits are, so there's really no way to fix the problem. They also have a retarded thing they do where they link their service to a single PC's mac address. If you want to use a router so that people can share the connection, you have to clone that mac address. This can become an incredible pain in the ass whenever there's a problem.
Luckily, you can cancel it at any time. I got Comcast to save money as you need a phone line with working phone service for DSL, but I suppose you get what you pay for in the end. DSL at least gives you a direct line to provider's office, resulting in more stable pings and bandwidths. You can't expect much from an a$$-tacular company that fucking charges $50/month for shitty-quality basic cable. I'll be switching to Bellsouth DSL as soon as I can, I just wish I didn't have to pay the extra money for a landline.
|
|
| THE LEGEND OF ZORRERO |
[18 Feb 2005|01:27am] |
In Mexico, they tell stories of a legendary bandit known only as Zorrero...
a bandit who steals your TV, pawns it, and leaves a steaming pile of his own shit in its place in the shape of a 'Z' to spite you.
Reenactment: A well dressed business man returns home after a hard day at work.
"Where's my 36" High Definition Wega? Oh my god what's that smell? [sees carefully placed fecal material in shape of Z] Damn you Zorrerooooooo! [Shakes fist in anger]
The Legend Continues...
|
|
|
[26 Nov 2004|03:51pm] |
Half-Life 2: 10/10
HL2 is the best game I've played in the last six years and easily one of my five favorite games of all time. Here's why:
-Well-told story and extremely atmospheric
-The gravity gun is probably the most useful, most unique, and downright coolest weapon ever featured in a first person shooter. You can use it as a weapon to chuck a wide variety of objects at enemies, or as a tool. There's even a later version of the gravity gun which can pick up people and throw or vaporize them.
-The game never loses its creative inspiration or becomes tiresome or repetitive like most other shooters in recent memory. HL2 constantly throws you into crazy new situations and forces you to adapt to them. Basically, the game never gets old. It's an adrenaline rush from start to finish, and Valve constantly throws new things into the mix to keep the game interesting.
-Best graphics featured in a video game up to this point, arguably better than those in Doom 3
-Unparalleled physics engine
-Excellent AI
-Surreal art direction
-Updated version of Counterstrike using the Source engine and Havok physics. Counterstrike always had some of the best gameplay of any online multiplayer game. All it needed was a graphical overhaul.
|
|
|
[15 Nov 2004|09:26am] |
After careful deliberation, I'd give Halo 2 a 7/10
The review of Halo 2 at firingsquad.com is the most accurate I've read:
http://www.firingsquad.com/games/halo_2_review/
The original Halo was an 8.5 in my opinion.
Halo 2 is a bland, run of the mill shooter. If you have a half way decent PC, don't even bother and just get Half-Life 2. Halo 2 doesn't add much to the Halo experience other than online play and the ability to dual wield guns. The single player campaign is short, weighing in at roughly 10 hours, and far too easy even on higher difficulty settings. Halo 2 also has a crappy, often non-existent story with a lame cliffhanger ending. Bungie felt compelled to make the backstory essentially a rehash of the original, only now you can play as a Covenant elite for roughly half of the game. Unfortunately, the elite levels aren't particularly well done, and switching back and forth between the master chief and the covenant elite gives the campaign a confusing, fragmented feel. It also doesn't help that the game has a tendency to throw you into situations without much of an explanation of what the hell is going on, or precisely what you are supposed to be doing. It's not like it matters much because the game is so incredibly linear. But frankly it's bad storytelling and it will leave you scratching your head often as you try to make heads or tails of what's going on with regard to the story. The only missions I really liked were the first few levels set during the Covenant invasion of earth, but those end quickly. Of course it's obligatory that a new Halo ringworld is found, and the game quickly degenerates into a lackluster rehash of the original Halo, complete with boring and repetitive indoor level design and tedious flood levels. Words like "corridor crawl" and "rail shooter" come to mind in describing the experience. I really can't understand the glowing reviews this game has gotten.
It takes forever to get a game going on Live because you can't pick the games you want to join yourself from a list. It's all automated using an "optimatch" system, and you may wait five minutes to join a game, only to have it be over in just as much time. You may also not be particularly fond of the game types that optimatch generates for you. On the plus side I haven't encountered any lag and I've never been dropped. Once a game is going, everything runs smoothly. Still, if you want a good online Halo experience, just get the PC version of the original Halo. The game is at bargain bin prices at this point. The online experience with the PC version isn't dramatically different from Halo 2 on Xbox Live, and the single player campaign is substantially better in the first game. Better still, it won't cost you $70 (the price of a Live subscription)to play. The fuel rod gun was actually already present in the PC version of the game. The Battle Rifle/Covenant Carbine and SMG are, in practice, almost exactly like the assault rifle and scoped pistol in the original Halo, although the Battle Rifle has a tendency to be completely useless in multiplayer for some reason. The beam rifle is a decent new sniping weapon, but I've almost never encountered any opportunities to use it in multiplay. The energy sword is a nifty weapon, but nothing that impressive, and it's something that probably should have been in the original Halo to begin with. Dual wielding wouldn't be necessary if some of the weapons were actually half-way decent on their own. The maps are also much better in the PC version of the original Halo-they're outdoors and much larger (the maps seem shrunken down in Halo 2, probably to reduce lag on Live), and you have the benefit of precise keyboard and mouse control in the PC version. The graphics are essentially hit or miss. Normal mapping is overused, which has some strange side effects, one of which is that characters faces end up looking like dark blurry splotches some of the time. The cutscenes often encounter a "draw in" glitch where stuff suddenly appears out of nowhere. I guess I've been playing on PC for too long, but the Xbox really shows its age with this game. Ultimately, the game feels rushed and more like an expansion pack that adds multiplay and some new content rather than a fully fledged new game. It's a rental in my opinion.
|
|
|
[29 Oct 2004|07:39pm] |
Game Shopping List:
PC:
Half-Life 2
Xbox:
Halo 2
Gamecube:
Starfox 2
Metroid Prime 2
Zelda
...also looking forward to PC or Xbox ports of Metal Gear Solid 3
and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, or it's possible i may get
one of the redesigned, miniaturized PS2s to play them.
Review- Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes (GC)
I also recently played through Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes, the Gamecube remake of the original Metal Gear Solid using the Metal Gear Solid 2 engine. I'm one of those people who was living in a cave during the 32bit generation and never played the original MGS on Playstation. Even playing the game six years late, I'm still highly impressed, and can fully understand why the game had such an enormous impact on the gaming industry and basically spawned an entire sub-genre of stealth action games. The story in MGS is convoluted, but unlike its sequel, it's highly engrossing, it makes sense, and you actually care about the characters. The plot twists never become ridiculous and stupid the way they did in MGS2, and are actually interesting and quite welcome. The game features Solid Snake, a genetically engineered soldier (and clone of Big Boss) infiltrating a US military installation on Shadow Moses Island in Alaska. Snake's former special forces unit, Foxhound, has led a mutiny and siezed the base. They are using Metal Gear Rex, a top secret new weapon currently in development, to commit nuclear blackmail against the US Government. Metal Gear Rex is a giant, virtually indestructable bipedal tank that can use a magnetic rail gun to launch nuclear weapons from anywhere in world undetected. As it turns out, Snake has a sinister twin brother (another clone of big boss) who is behind all of this. Snake must get in, stop the nuke from launching, and face off against his brother. The game isn't particularly long, but the gameplay is quite good even judged by today's standards. The Twin Snakes however does have some issues with balance. The first person mode carried over from the MGS2 engine is an excellent addition, but in some cases it can make some of the boss fights easier than they really should be. The Twin Snakes has excellent graphics and highly detailed environments, and is easily one of the best looking games on Gamecube- a few examples: you can see Snake's breath or exhaled smoke from cigarettes in the Alaska cold, snow melts and the water droplets will bead up on the camera (the effect is similar to the one used in Metroid Prime), and the lighting effect used for Sniper Wolf's laser sight flashing in Snake's eyes is quite sharp. I think now I have an even better understanding of why series fans were so disappointed with MGS2: the original was a much, much better game. Overall, I'd give MGS:TTS a 9.0/10.
|
|
| Crazy Black Man With Missing Teeth and a Tire Iron: Holdin' Down the Streets |
[15 Oct 2004|03:07am] |
http://www.failed.ca/holdinitdown.wmv
Someone should have broken a few more of that useless shithead's teeth. If he had hit my car like that, I would have calmly gotten out of my car, shot him in the knee caps, and proceeded to say..."What you gonna do Mutha Fucker!?!"
I would continue beating his stupid ass with his own tire iron, working my way from his feet on up, sparing no expense on certain body parts, screaming..."These are my Mutha Fucking streets, Nigga!!"
|
|
| Man cuts off Penis, Dog eats it |
[06 Oct 2004|08:58am] |
BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.
It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.
"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger
|
|
| Half Life 2 Reviewed! |
[01 Oct 2004|03:05pm] |
PC Gamer UK is reviewing Half-Life 2 in its October 5 issue. The game recieved a 96%, their highest score ever. Looks like it was well worth the wait.
"This very european city is populated by frightened and desperate American immigrants, and sits under the shadow of a vast, brutalist skyscraper that is consuming the urban sprawl with crawling walls of blue steel. It's a powerful fiction. City 17 is one of the most inventive and evocative game worlds we've ever seen. The autocratic and vicious behaviour of the masked Overwatch soldiers immediately puts you in a high pressure environment. People look at you with desperate eyes, just waiting for the end to their pain, an end to the power of the mysterious Combine..."
"But even with Gordon's sinster silence there are reams of dialogue. It is spoken by bewilderingly talented actors and animated with almost magical precision."
"Combine police take less kindly to tin cans being lobbed at their shiny gas masks"
"You can even use it to grab hovering Combine attack drones and batter them into tiny fragments on the concrete surfaces"
"It was all in that moment when I laughed. I couldn’t believe it was quite this good. I chuckled in muddled disbelief. My nervous fingers reloaded the level, knowing that I had to see that breathtaking sequence one more time. It was then I knew for certain: Valve had surpassed not only themselves, but everyone else too. Half-Life 2 is an astounding accomplishment. It is the definitive statement of the last five years of first-person shooters. Everything else was just a stopgap. Half-Life 2 is a near perfect sequel.”
"A symphony of shooting, a ballad of blastery. Gordon's story finds a new and astonishing trajectory in a brutal dystopia. Own this."
Review by Jim Rossignol
|
|
| Transformers Porn |
[22 Sep 2004|11:13am] |
Transformers: Robots in Disguise...when the disguises come off...
"I am in heaven as air swirls around my exposed breasts, causing the circuitry to prickle. Optimus brings his fingers up to gently tease the black spheres, pointedly ignoring the fiery red nipples in the center. The metal there is extremely malleable with some metamorphic properties, and as his fingers gently trace around the areola, the nipples harden until they stand straight out.
By this point I am panting and writhing against him. I don't think I can take much more of this gentle torture. With a self-satisfied grunt, he brings his fingers up to my distended nipples and tweaks them gently. I cry out as my sod piece becomes flooded. The liquid begins to trickle down my thighs. I don't think I've ever been this wet before. 'Please, Primus, if you're listening, don't let this end!' I plead. It feels so much better than in my fantasies. Still, there's just one thing wrong. At this point in my head I'd be straddling him and running my hands along his chest. I ache to touch him, but I have no problems with the current arrangement. I could cum so easily just like this. My interface port is open, and my clit is as hard as a steel button, begging to be touched. My hips arch into open air, trying to rub against something and find satisfaction."
|
|
|
[30 Aug 2004|01:30pm] |
ATLANTA (Reuters) - A Georgia man who drove home with a friend's headless body after a truck accident then went to bed while the remains dangled out the window faces charges including vehicular homicide and drunk driving, police say.
John Hutcherson, covered in blood and visibly inebriated, was arrested in bed on Sunday morning after a local resident out on a stroll observed a headless, bloody body hanging out of the 21-year-old man's truck, Cobb County police said.
Hutcherson was due to make an initial court appearance on Monday.
Police said that Hutcherson and his friend, identified as Francis Brohm, 23, were returning from a bar outside Atlanta early Sunday morning when their black 1992 Chevrolet Z-71 pickup hit a curb near a telephone pole.
Brohm, partially outside the window at the time, was decapitated by a guide wire on the telephone pole, according to police, who recovered his head at the crash site. "Alcohol is believed to be a contributing factor," police said.
-------------------------------------
Bwahhahahha. I love how he was so drunk he just didn't give a crap, and went home and went to bed like nothing happened...like a bloody, headless corpse dangling out the window was no big deal and he'd take care of it in the morning. Classic.
|
|
|
[23 Aug 2004|12:22pm] |
I recently purchased a Visiontek ATi X800 Pro, and have been testing it out for the past week or so. Simply put, it's an amazing video card. If you love computer games and have around $400 of disposable income, I'd highly recommend picking one up. Every game I've tried runs flawlessly with the settings maxed out, Doom 3, FarCry, and Halo included. I'm actually most surprised with Halo. It ran like garbage on nearly every card from last generation, and I had to turn some of the settings down on my R9700. Not only is the game a poorly optimized Xbox port, but Gearbox added DirectX 9 special effects to the game to try to bring the two year old graphics up to date...the result being a game that was largely unplayable at higher settings. With this card it runs flawlessly at 1280x1024 with all of the settings on high, and the experience is much better than it ever was on Xbox. The card also seems to be a good overclocker. I've overclocked the memory by 100 mhz and the core by 25mhz, and the card still stays at acceptable temps (around 60C) under load. I would give it a 9/10, my only complaint being that I wish the card had 16 pipes like the 6800GT rather than 12.
Specs: 475mhz R420 core, 256mb 900mhz 2NS GDDR3, 12 pipelines, 713M vertex, 28.8 GB bandwidth
|
|
|
[20 Aug 2004|01:46pm] |
|
People need to stop being such pussies about terrorism. You have a much better chance of slipping in the shower or choking to death on your freedom fries than dying in any sort of terrorist attack.
|
|
|
[15 Aug 2004|03:18am] |
|
|
|
[05 Aug 2004|12:11am] |
Doom 3
Rating: 8.4
Doom 3 quite simply has the best graphics I've ever seen in a game (with the exception of Far Cry). Its surprisingly scalable-it will still run adequately on older hardware and surprisingly still looks very good at lower resolutions. It's deeply atmospheric and scary just like AVP2, the original Half-Life, and SS2, and I loved those games. The story, told through cutscenes and some well voiced audiologs in your PDA, is decent, but quickly fades into the background and becomes unimportant. D3 makes very good use of audio to heighten the level of creepiness. The monster designs are simply amazing. The way you manipulate touch screens in the game is also really neat. The gameplay on the other hand, feels antiquated and linear, and can get quite repetitive. This is an old-school 'run and gun' shoot em up through and through. The scare tactics Id uses also get predictable after a certain point, such that the game is no longer that scary. Moreover, you are only allowed to hold either a flashlight or a gun, not both at the same time. It's a gimmick to heighten the tension, but it quickly gets annoying. You would think a 22nd century marine would have either nightvision goggles or a shoulder lamp. The weapons feel weak and none of them have an alternate fire mode. Multiplayer is almost nonexistent, limited to 4 players in most cases. I'm sure there will be great mods and future games based on this engine. If you were simply looking for Doom with a massive facelift, modern amenities, and a more fleshed out storyline, you will be extremely pleased with this game. If you were looking for something completely revolutionary, you are looking in the wrong place. The GS review is spot-on: it's a very good game that's not without some flaws. If you are upgrading your computer, definitely pick up the game and give it a try. I wouldn't, however, upgrade simply to play this game alone.
|
|
|
[23 Jul 2004|07:43pm] |
I particularly liked this redone album cover for Toby "we'll shove a boot in yer ass" Keith, the retarded redneck country singer who pretty much personifies the stereotype of the ugly, fat, ignorant American, and just gives foreigners one more reason to hate us.
|
|
| Next-Gen Video Cards for Doom 3 and Half-Life 2 in a Nutshell |
[20 Jul 2004|03:22pm] |
ATi X800 series (Pro, XT-Platinum Edition) (R420 core)
Pros: temporal antialiasing, 3Dc, excellent SM 2.0 performance (superior performance in current games), mature drivers, X800XT-PE outperforms all other cards at high levels of antialiasing and anisotropic filtering, lower power consumption and less heat, optimized for Half-Life 2
Cons: lacks full SM 3.0 support, X800 Pro is only a 12 pipeline card
nVidia Geforce 6800 series (regular, GT, Ultra) (NV 40 core)
Pros: Full SM 3.0 support (possibility of gaining an edge in some future games), superior OpenGL performance, good for overclocking- GT is at a good price/performance point and easily overclocks to Ultra speeds, optimized for Doom 3
Cons: high to extremely high power consumption- recommended 480W PSU and two molex connectors on some of the 6800 Ultras
CPU bottlenecking is going to be an issue with these cards. In other words, if you don't have a very fast processor (3ghz or greater), some of the potential of these cards will be wasted. Supplies are also extremely limited for the time being due to GDDR3 shortages and massive demand for these cards due to the imminent release of Doom 3 and Half-Life 2.
|
|
|
[14 Jul 2004|03:56pm] |
Use this phrase next time you want to describe something that's craptacular:
"A freight train of shit with no brakes"
and on an entirely random note, I really like this sig:
|
|
| Deus Ex: Invisible War |
[14 Jul 2004|11:46am] |
Now that Eidos has released its comprehensive 1.2 patch and I've actually played much further into the game, I must say i really like it. It plays like a stream-lined version of the original game. I think i actually prefer this simplified interface, unified ammo (which i suppose makes sense due to nanotechnology-nanites fusing into various forms of ammunition), and just having biomods instead of biomods and skills. It cuts out a lot of the micromanagement and allows you to focus more on the story. The graphics are pretty amazing (the lighting and character models look particularly good) and the ragdoll physics are loads of fun to play around with (tossing crates, bodies, etc) but not terribly realistic. Some of the textures, however, look dated. I like being confronted with choices that affect the outcome of the story to an extent, although i'm sure the game will turn out to be fairly linear in the end (with only the illusion of free-choice) just like the original. I've pretty much decided that the factions in the game (WTO, Order) aren't particularly likeable or trustworthy so i've been playing them against one another for fun and personal gain. It also retains the notion of being able to resolve a situation any number of ways depending on your style and how you've designed your character (stealth, hacking, brute-force, non-lethal force), which i like. Of course it retains some of the problems from the first game: an overly convoluted story (although not as crowded and needlessly complex as the one in the original game) and the AI is downright dumb at times. Actually, the original Deus Ex had many issues when initially released (one being poor framerate) and was barely playable until a comprehensive patch was released and people found ways to tweak the game for better performance. It's hardly the worst game ever (as i said in an earlier post), and actually one of the better and more engrossing games i've played recently, which makes me happy because i loved the original. I misjudged it because i was pissed off about the framerate problems i experienced in the earlier versions. I would highly recommend getting the PC version instead of the Xbox verions though. While the interface has been "simplified" this is still a complex FPS/RPG hybrid which i think would be very difficult to control well without using a keyboard and mouse.
Rating: 8.7
I would say don't bother unless you have a more recent video card. I can run this on my 9700Pro at 1024x768 no AA or AF at 30-40FPS, but the game still has hiccups. I'm curious to see how it will run when i get an X800XT-PE in a few weeks. I expect to be able to enable anti-aliasing, bump up to 1280x1024 and still get over 60 FPS.
|
|
|
[01 Jul 2004|11:47am] |
Kid builds a flamethrower and tests it in his backyard:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?s=6aac927d03c3450bf397b2d6e7146e8a&threadid=1107178&perpage=40&pagenumber=1
INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING
A quaint suburbanite neighborhood. Classical music plays. FATHER sits behind a
newspaper, MOTHER is knitting a lovely shawl. A CAT purrs at father's black
socked feet. FATHER lowers his newspaper.
He holds the newspaper in one hand, pipe in the other.
FATHER
Honey?
MOTHER
Hmm?
FATHER
Where's the boy?
MOTHER
Oh, I believe he's outside
testing his new flamethrower.
FATHER
Ah.
FATHER returns the pipe, raises his newspaper and resumes reading.
Outside, something explodes. The light fixtures are rattled, the cat dives for
cover.
FATHER lowers his newspaper.
FATHER
I do wish he'd keep it down out
there.
MOTHER
Mmm.
FADE OUT.
|
|
|
[25 Jun 2004|12:20pm] |
|
JUNE 24--While seated on the bench, an Oklahoma judge used a male enhancement pump, shaved and oiled his nether region, and pleasured himself, state officials charged yesterday in a petition to remove the jurist. Donald D. Thompson, 57, was caught in the act by a clerk, trial witnesses, and his longtime court reporter (these unsettling first-hand accounts will make you wonder what's going on under other black robes). Visitors to Thompson's Creek County courtroom reported hearing a "swooshing" sound coming from the bench, a noise the court reporter said "sounded like a blood pressure cuff being pumped up." Thompson, the complaint charges, even pumped himself up during an August 2003 murder trial. The AG's petition quotes Thompson as admitting that the pump was "under the bench" during the murder case (and at other times), but he denied using the item, which was supposedly a "gag gift from a friend."
|
|
|
[25 Jun 2004|01:07am] |
If this website is any indication, dressing up like an elf is a disturbing new fetish. Check out their wide selection of prosthetic elf, hobbit and vulcan ears, and the pictures of their products in action. Evidently, people have worn their elf ears to prom.
http://www.aradani.com/elvesofaradan/
|
|
|
[23 Jun 2004|05:22pm] |
|
|
|
[03 Jun 2004|01:16am] |
This bedroom and bath is in a private house in Pembroke pines and is rent Free. The reason for the free rent is because I need a responsible female to act as a companion for my self sufficient 90 year old mother 4 nights a week while I am at work. These nights would be Wednesday,Thursday, Friday and Saturday, all other time, is your own.
Approx 4 miles from the campus.
Private Cable TV, Clothes Washing Facilities, Private Bath, Shopping,
Furniture and liniens are included.
Utilities are $50.00/month
You can't beat this deal! Call now!
954-432-0211
-------------------------------------------------------
JihadJoeArabHero: a little disturbing
JihadJoeArabHero: id be afraid i was moving in with the guy from psycho
tigrlily em: yes
JihadJoeArabHero: and that his 90 year old mother was a corpse he keeps in the closet
tigrlily em: maybe by companion, he means to kill the person and keep them next to her in the closet
JihadJoeArabHero: quite possibly
JihadJoeArabHero: but he'd only keep you there four nights a week with her
JihadJoeArabHero: the other nights he'd take your body out and have sex with it
|
|
| Van Helsing, a Trainwreck on Many Levels... |
[20 May 2004|01:41am] |
This movie rivals Batman and Robin and Wild Wild West for the title of worst special effects B movie i've ever seen. Complete style over substance, cheesy and totally overdone special effects, horrendously bad acting, retarded and nonsensical story that was probably written on napkins in crayon as they went along, shamelessly steals from other movies, cringe inducing lines... The movie never even reaches "so bad it's good" status like Army of Darkness, it just stays godawful all the way through. This is probably because the actors take their parts dead seriously, as though they thought they were actually making a good movie when they filmed this pile of garbage- Kate Beckinsdale has an annoying fake Romanian accent, Jackman acts like he's carved out of wood, and the guy who plays Dracula acts like a villain from a Star Trek movie. Not to mention the Frankstein monster was the stupidest thing i've ever seen, and for some reason Dracula's henchmen are strange little Ewok/Jawa creatures. I couldn't help but laugh really hard at the few points when the movie would slow down and make a lame attempt at some sort of character development. And to top it off it was ridiculously loud. I came out of it with a headache. I think this reviewer put it best:
"Bring your earplugs because this ungodly mess is as painfully loud as it is mind-numbingly stupid."
Rating: 1/10
Or perhaps this picture is more descriptive:
|
|
|
[19 May 2004|02:13pm] |
http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=1920
I have to agree: people post in their livejournals as though someone actually wants to read their lame poetry, or cares what they had for breakfast this morning. They like to punctuate this crap with lots of internet banalities, like "LOL." Your average user is a depressed 16 year old girl who claims to be a goth vampire that practices wicca.
|
|
|
[13 May 2004|11:00pm] |
|
I was recently flipping by the Bible channel when i saw the greatest thing ever. MR T was preaching. Yes you heard that right MR T...or should i call him minister T. He was apparently angry about sports teams that have words like "devil" and "wizard" in their names. Oh yes and he pities the fool who don't accept Jesus as his personal savior and lord.
|
|
| Classic AIM Conversations With Justin Revisited... |
[25 Mar 2004|01:22pm] |
People's Exhibit A: Justin is a Raging Homosexual
GuMBy EB: dude i heard a weird rumor
JihadJoeArabHero: what rumor
JihadJoeArabHero: what that youre gay
GuMBy EB: i heard you're gay and u like boyjuice...
JihadJoeArabHero: stfu
GuMBy EB: is this true?
JihadJoeArabHero: you know you want me to be gay
GuMBy EB: u know it
GuMBy EB: boyjuice needs u
JihadJoeArabHero: why dont you go pose on boyjuice to raise money for the fraternity so we can have more sleepovers
GuMBy EB: they are always seeking workers
GuMBy EB: u know its not even work
GuMBy EB: lol
JihadJoeArabHero: yes its pure pleasure
People's Exhibit B: Justin spelunks into the deep dark recesses of the Man Ass
JihadJoeArabHero: you are part of a vast homosexual conspiracy
JihadJoeArabHero: dont lie to me
GuMBy EB: pete i like u
GuMBy EB: i wanna tickle ur prostate with my tongue
GuMBy EB: baby
GuMBy EB: its ok i realize that love hurts
JihadJoeArabHero: love hurts lol especially when you take it in the ass
GuMBy EB: especially when u give it to me with ur boyjuice rocket
PE C
jihadjoearabhero: Dude i heard a wierd rumor
jihadjoearabhero: that you're gay and that you like boyjuice
gumby eb: its true
gumby eb: i also slipped ruphies into your drink at a party
and raped you in the ass while you were sleeping
PE D
Gumby EB: just in case u forgot
Gumby EB: (Link: http://www.columbia.edu/~ejt39/reminder.html)http://www.columbia.edu/~ejt39/reminder.html
JihadJoeArabHero: shut up
JihadJoeArabHero: ill choke you with a cord
JihadJoeArabHero: and if i liked man ass why would i need a reminder
JihadJoeArabHero: thats not one of those things you just forget
PE E
Gumby EB: question
JihadJoeArabHero: yes
JihadJoeArabHero: ?
Gumby EB: why is ian so gay?
Gumby EB: he signs off and says
Gumby EB: see ya pussy boy
Gumby EB: i wasnt even talking to him
JihadJoeArabHero: you guys really hate each other
Gumby EB: ur guilty of something
JihadJoeArabHero: its hysterical
JihadJoeArabHero: no im not guilty of anything
Gumby EB: u are
JihadJoeArabHero: guilty of what?
Gumby EB: do u still gay it out with him?
JihadJoeArabHero: no u r my only one (kisses)
PE F
JihadJoeArabHero: so whats up?
Gumby EB: my cock
Gumby EB: 4 u
JihadJoeArabHero: you need homocil
JihadJoeArabHero: its a new drug that can help control your raging homosexual impulses
JihadJoeArabHero: just dont wash the pills down with boyjuice
(NOTE: Justin recently spent several hours working with photoshop in order to create a picture of Joe Bissett sucking his own cock.)
|
|
|
[11 Mar 2004|12:59am] |
|
I wonder if the dressing for McDonald's salads contains McBodily fluid. You can taste the love in every bite. Hand delivered.
|
|
|
[07 Mar 2004|01:01am] |
Some games I'm looking forward to on PC:
Doom 3
Half-Life 2
Stalker: Shadow of Chernobyl
Far Cry
BF Vietnam
City of Heroes
|
|
|
[05 Mar 2004|10:31pm] |
|
I would highly recommend Ninja Gaiden for Xbox, even if youre not a fan of the old NES classics. It's quite simply one of the best games i've ever played. The controls are amazing. I can't get over the sheer number of moves you can execute. Hours into the game i'm still discovering new attacks. The difficulty level is staggering and your hands will hurt after you play; but that doesn't bother me because I'm tired of easy games that I finish in a day or two with little or no effort. Normal enemies are like bosses from other games, and will often kill you. Bosses will almost certainly kill you. The graphics, artwork, and music are top notch. The story is actually so bad that it's good in a cheesy martial arts movie sort of way. My rating: 9.5/10
|
|
|
[04 Feb 2004|09:26am] |
Ahhhhhhhsooooo...please excusa mee engrish, but mee lika da xbox pizza wit exta corn, ockkatapus and mayonnaise!
http://www.aokispizza.com/page/od/pizza_sp/xbox/f_index.html
Some typical ingredients on a Japanese pizza:
Asparagus
Broccoli
Cabbage
Corn
Curry Powder
Eel
Egg Yolk
Eggplant
Mayonnaise
Octopus
Parsley
Raisins
Salmon
Scallops
Seaweed
Shrimp
Spaghetti/Macaroni
Spinach
Squid
Teriyaki Chicken
Tuna
Dr [wierd symbol thing] encourages you to enjoy a fortune cookie with your fish egg and seaweed pizza, now only 3400 yen!
http://www.aokispizza.com/page/od/pizza_sp/xbox/f_index.html
|
|
|
[03 Feb 2004|03:49pm] |
|
|
|
[23 Dec 2003|01:46pm] |
Here's a question i would like answered....
Ani-pals was a retarded, vulgar show on Comedy Central that was cancelled a long time ago because everyone hated it and noone watched it. So why does the insult comic dog still appear at awards shows? Nobody seems remotely entertained by it. They all just become silent and sort of roll their eyes when it comes on. Also, why does it have its own doggy rap video? It's just a rubber dog puppet that tells awful jokes and humps very confused looking poodles.
|
|
|
[18 Nov 2003|10:13pm] |
|
Of all the martial arts, i think i'd like to learn Ninjitsu the most. There's something compelling about grappling to the ceiling of someone's bedroom while they're sleeping, lowering a piece of string into their mouth, and trickling poison down the string.
|
|
|
[31 Oct 2003|04:11pm] |
1. BE REASONABLE
First off, keep in mind that spanking the monkey should always be your last resort. Why? Not only are monkeys intelligent, feeling, downright adorable creatures who make excellent butlers; they’re also much stronger than you and are known to hold grudges. So if you catch Mr. Teeny rearranging your figurine collection, simply scold him in a stern voice and threaten to stop making his favorite banana daiquiris. If the bad behavior continues, however, you’ll simply have no choice but to manhandle your monkey.
2. BE VIGILANT
A spanked monkey tends never to trust the spanker again. To avoid this problem, be as gentle as possible. “Approach the monkey in a nonconfrontational manner,” advises a primate supervisor at a major U.S. zoo who, for some reason, asked to remain anonymous. Avoid making eye contact, since it could make you appear threatening and expose your peepers to the monkey. (They tend to throw things, like shit, when agitated.) Angry monkeys also scream loudly; if that occurs, keep your hands the hell off your monkey.
3. BE AGGRESSIVE
When your monkey lets its guard down—a monkey will demonstrate submissiveness and calm by turning its back to you—be ready to strike. However, don’t sneak up on your monkey, since the terrible surprise of the spanking will only make it fear and resent you forever. Instead, calmly approach your monkey, then pick it up in your hands—don’t grab too tightly—and hold it in your lap. Dust off your spankin’ paddle, crack your knuckles, and prepare to teach your monkey a lesson it won’t soon forget.
4. BE MERCIFUL
Repeatedly whack your naughty monkey—it’ll hurt you more than it’ll hurt Cheetah—till the monkey clearly understands that it’s being dominated. A spanked monkey will typically cower in fear, so you may have to wait awhile—anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, depending on its age—for your monkey to spring to life again.
|
|
|
[20 Oct 2003|01:21pm] |
"Listen to Me": the title of some unbelievably bad 80's nightmare of a movie I was forced to watch in debate today while recovering from Nyquil and a bad cold. Features jocks, preppies, popular kids, nerds, cheerleaders, the rich stuck-up prick villain who is competing for the girl, and lots of tight jeans and running shorts. Stars none other than Kirk Cameron himself, a man who couldnt act his way out of a nutsack, and who ranks right up there with other acting greats like Keanu Reeves and Bill Shatner in the Anals of Deadpan Assdom. Worse yet, the star of Growing Pains tries to pull off a southern accent. You can only imagine my pain...
Saying this was at all relevant to a debate class would be a stretch...the characters were on their college debate team in the movie...and it featured some really poorly done, over-the-top, and completely sophistic debating that any good teacher of argument would be ashamed to use as an example...but the rest of it was a completely stereotypical 80's college/HS movie.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
cmdrmonkey's journal